Howdy ho everybody~
I can't believe it's November
already. Can you guys believe its November already?
Where'd the year go, eh?
On that note, its been a crazy freakin' year in the world of neonPuppets (more commonly known by her civilian name, as she no longer logs on to dA...like, ever). As some of my older watchers
and maybe some of my newer ones
might be aware, as of January 2013 I was engaged to be married. It's maaaad how much has changed since then.
Well, get the obvious announcement out of the way first, in late June of this year me and my fiance decided to break it off. It was very sad, tears were shed and all that...BUUUUUT, I genuinely believe it all worked out for the best.
Now he's been given the opportunity to enjoy his time at university the way he should: Without having to worry about upsetting his fiancee back home. As for me, I've had the opportunity to really clear my head and reflect on my life
*gags at own chessy wording
I know more than anything now that it was the right thing for us to do- though the break up came at a pretty bad time as my grandad was terminally ill and passed away about a week and a half later. As a result, being upset about the break up sort of took a back bench for a while as I dealt with my loss (which was obviously a lot more important to me)
When it finally caught up with me, it hit hard
. But I was willing to admit to myself that our relationship hadn't been right for ages and that every day I was battling with the worry that he was growing up and that I wasn't good enough for him anymore. As someone who's never had great self esteem, this was a poisonous situation to be in and I started 'acting out' a lot...drinking excessively, picking fights, all that good stuff~ Now that it's over, its kind of a relief. I'm learning to except myself the way I am- be it a little chubby, or a bit short, or a little off-the-wall nutty- it doesn't matter. I'm trying not to fret so much about what others think of me. I am what I am
Dido lyrics only half-intentional
and there will always be people out there who don't like me...but there will be lots of people who do as well c:
From now on, I'm looking out for No. 1...but I won't be a dick about it. Promise~